Most women agree that there are several phases to a woman's life. In the beginning there was Maiden, Mother, and Crone. Times have changed, we're no longer married off in our teens to spend all of our days barefoot and pregnant.

As our lives extend and we embrace our power, more phases have been added. Maiden, Warrior, Mother, Queen, Crone.

Maiden is our phase of innocence. Warrior is the phase where we fight for what we want in life. Mother is where we find abundance, fertility, and fulfillment.  Queen is when our children have left and we rediscover ourselves. Crone is the final phase where we become the guide and a beacon of wisdom.

I am discovering how to be a mother when I am not a Mother.


I've made the decision not to have children and for a very long time I worried about how that would impact my sense of myself as a woman. That I would just float along directionless while all of these beautiful, glowing, mothers bypassed me with their beautiful, glowing, babies and actually made something of themselves.

How could I ever measure up? I have secretly always felt this sense of inadequacy around Mothers. For a long time I even felt like this blog couldn't be what I wanted it to be because I was not a mother. How could I help women to make time for themselves when I don't understand what it means to balance a life and motherhood? How can I help a mother love her body when I can't fully understand the changes that body goes through.

How can I be 'good enough' to help women that know so much more than me, have experienced more than me, and have been initiated into something that I will ever know. It took me awhile to see my value beyond that.

I think I've finally begun to discover the Mother Phase for myself and what it will mean for me. I'm not quite there yet but I can see it on the horizon and I know that it is meant for me. It is my path and I am looking forward to the moment when I set my feet upon it.

It is my time to nurture, to embrace the abundance in my life, to fall into bed exhausted but contented, to feel fulfillment in my heart and a deep knowing that I am living my purpose. My path is my own and just as beautiful as everyone else's, just as important. I know that now.

I have discovered that you don't have to give birth to a baby to create something wonderful or to live your life with purpose.


I no longer look at the future and fear that there will be a long stretch of nothingness. I no longer feel like my life has to be empty or I have to feel like something is missing. I have something to give the world. Something to nurture and something to love.

There is a mother inside all of us. Universal Mother, Great Mother, that spirit dwells inside of you. We are all part of that energy.

When did you first start to feel like a Mother? 


6 comments :

  1. Oooh I really loved this post! And I love your take on and additions to the phases throughout the lives of us who are Earth Goddesses. I think I'm doing mine a bit backwards, Maiden, Mother, and now Warrior. The thing that I am fighting both for and against though is going to be a very long battle; I know it is going to drag on like the Iraq War (longer than that was probably). It's funny how you say you have in the past felt inadequate around mothers. (You shouldn't! Many of us feel clueless most of the time)! You mentioned the glowing image of mothers with their smiling little babies. I always saw it that way too, until I became a mother of multiple children. On this side of the fence I kind of see the mother with the bags under her eyes, misshapen belly, screaming children with snotty noses and just plain overwhelmed and tapped out energy. I know that image isn't "real", but it is how I feel a lot of the time so my perspective gets a bit off. I actually see people who have chosen not to have children (or couldn't for some other reason) as people who are deeply spiritual and overall free. For me the desire to have children has literally haunted me since I was a toddler myself so I knew it must be what I would do. And I absolutely do love being a mother although I pictured it to be a lot different than it really is. Motherhood changed my body dramatically and I have lots of trouble accepting my new body, but in truth it wasn't really motherhood that changed it so much as it was a lifetime of poor eating habits, and motherhood just accelerated the process. I think that is why I am so hard on myself (my own guilt about my choices of how I treated my body), but in truth I just didn't have the wisdom about nutrition at age 21 that I have now so I shouldn't blame myself for that. But as far as what you do... I say THIS is what you are birthing and nurturing... your work right here, your "ministry", if you will. Much love to you, my dear!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this post. I can completely relate to secretly feeling inadequate around mothers - but I can say this, I have recently become a mother myself and that hasn't gone away. I now also secretly envy those without children who can fully commit and spend time on making their dreams a reality - I had hoped to make Conscious Healthcare something before I embarked on motherhood but I guess the Universal Mother had different ideas for me! I now find that I am mixed with the desire to make it something so that I can give up my day job to be at home and feeling guilty spending time on it in case I am not spending enough time with my daughter!

    Your site is very inspirational and yes, you certainly have a purpose - thank you for sharing! x

    ReplyDelete
  3. I completely understand this feeling. I am only twenty, yet it seems like so many of my coworkers (who are only a few years older than me) are married or talking about getting married. I am fine with being single, and in fact I'm really enjoying being able to flirt & focus on me & my own goals for the time being but I get around them who seem all settled down & I feel, as you said inadequate. It seems difficult when others seem to be 'ahead' of you, but remember life is neither a race nor a beauty paegant. Not having children gives you a very unique perspective that is really overlooked in this society. Embrace it & show the rest of the world the beauties and pains of being an independent woman without kids tying you down!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've always had a mothering quality since i was a little girl. people always felt nurtured and warm in My company. now I'm a mom of a little boy, for me motherhood has just sharpened my natural qualities.
    Being a biological mother does not make you a mom. There are many women who nuture, care for people that are more motherly than women who have childr

    ReplyDelete
  5. In one of the Avalonian traditions I follow, the cycles of woman are Maiden, Lover, Mother and Crone, coinciding with the wheel of the year - Imbolg, Beltaine, Lammas and Samhain. I like that significance is given to sexuality and romance as Lover in this model - I feel Warrior is a part of being a mother. I'm not interested in being a mother, but I've got other things to crate - growing my skills and growing my business. Honestly I've never given thought to what stage I am in, and I don't think it affects me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Birth a project can be just as stressing and life changing as having a child I feel but I don't have kids. I have experienced motherhood in a way by having to care for my brother who has Autism. Having to put someone's else needs before my own. I wont have my own kids unless I am with the right man. I definitely feel I am at the warrior stage. I do feel like I was forced to miss some stages of development taking on a motherly tole at a young age.

    ReplyDelete